Is your life needing an injection of happiness and positivity? Maybe it’s time to give your attitude to life a spring clean? Perhaps your thoughts and behaviours need a massive sprucing up. You may be someone who blames life, blames others, your job, the pandemic, anything and everything, but have you ever considered that it could be you that’s the problem? Your lack of happiness could be a result of some negative behaviours and your current circumstance is a manifestation of these. You may not realise that your happiness and success in all parts of your life is your personal responsibility. It’s time to become accountable and stop blaming external situations or other people for your shortcomings or your lack of joy.

Not everything in life is in our control, but our actions are and positive action is necessary for a joyful and remarkable life. Today, I am going to share with you five unwanted behaviours that I believe have the potential to stifle your happiness and once these are banished from your life, you will be far better off. My hope is that by the end of this episode, you will be able to catch yourself next time you are about to fall into the trap of one of these five behaviours so you can start to experience the happiness and desire and truly deserve.

In this episode
01:06 — Is Your Life Needing an Injection of Happiness and Positivity?

02:38 — Life Is Always Not Smooth Sailing

04:12 — Number 1: Stop Trying to Please Everybody

05:09 — Don’t Let Anyone Tell You What Is Realistic and Achievable or Not

07:23 — Number 2: Stop Talking Negatively About Yourself

09:03 — Out Thoughts Are Not Always the Truth

10:45 — Number 3: Stop Gossiping About Others

13:24 — Become Cheerleaders and Not Haters

14:40 — Number 4: Stop Holding On to the Past

15:45 — See How Far You’ve Come in the Present

18:01 — Number 5: Stop Stressing About the Future

21:04 — Conclusion


Dr Marisa Lee Naismith is excited to announce the release of her new book “Singing Contemporary Commercial Music Styles: A Pedagogical Framework” published by Compton Publications UK. Marisa offers this book as a starting point and as CCM markets continue to evolve, she encourages that we, as a voice community, continue to evolve, debate and communally add to this framework.



Visit the A Voice and Beyond Youtube channel to watch back the video replay of this guest interview or to see my welcome video.

Episode Transcription

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  00:02

It’s Marisa Lee here, and I’m so excited to be sharing today solo round episode with you. Whether you’re a member of the voice community, or beyond your voice is your unique gift. And my mission, which has been inspired by my own personal and professional journey is to empower you to share your gift with others. Now is the time for you to discover your voice in life, develop a positive mindset, and become the best and most authentic version of yourself to create greater impact. Ultimately, you can take charge, and you can become the director of your own life. It’s time for you to live your best live. It’s time now, for A Voice and Beyond. So, without further ado, let’s go to today’s episode. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  01:06

Is your life needing an injection of happiness and positivity? Are you stuck in a rut or a woe is me mentality that is preventing you from living a life filled with joy. Well, maybe it’s time to give your attitude to life a spring clean, may be your thoughts and behaviors need a massive sprucing up. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  01:38

You may be someone who blames life, blames others, your job, the pandemic, anything and everything. But have you ever considered that it could be you that’s the problem. Your lack of happiness could be a result of some negative behaviors. And your current circumstance is a manifestation of all of this. For these reasons alone, you may not be achieving the happiness you desire and truly deserve. We all deserve to be happy. It’s our right. However, our happiness and success in all the parts of our lives is our personal responsibility. We cannot blame external situations or other people for our shortcomings or our lack of joy. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  02:38

It’s fair to say that life is not always smooth sailing. But it’s important to remember that although we can’t change the seasons of life, we can change ourselves. Not everything in life is in our control. But our actions and our responses are positive action is necessary for a joyful and remarkable life. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  03:08

Today, I’m going to share with you five unwanted behaviors that I believe have the potential to stifle your happiness. And once these are banished from your life, you will be far better off. Some of you may not even realize that you are guilty of some of these behaviors. So my hope is that by the end of this episode, you will be able to catch yourself next time you are about to fall into the trap of one of these five behaviors. As simple as these changes are, they are so effective, I promise you. And the good news is that you don’t even have to be a rocket scientist or a genius to implement these changes. Your happiness depends on it. So let’s get started.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  04:12

Number one, stop trying to please everybody. I’m here to tell you that the opinions of other people don’t matter. Unless it’s coming from someone you highly respect or someone you are being mentored by, or someone who is achieving the very things you absolutely want to achieve in your future. Why would you listen to those people who live in the cheap seats of life and are constantly mudslinging from the sidelines. Don’t pay attention to these types of people and don’t even try to prove them wrong when they are being judgmental of you. This is nothing more than horrible, negative energy And as we know, time and energy are in limited supply in life, so don’t waste either on these people. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  05:09

Don’t let anyone tell you what is realistic and achievable or not. If anyone tells you that you can’t do something, you must run as fast as you can in the opposite direction from them. You can’t let the people who share your goals with tell you what is realistic or not. If this was the case, I would never have become a professional singer, I would never have undertaken a PhD, I would never have written a book, and I wouldn’t be here talking to you on my podcast. So don’t waste your life on these time wasters either. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  05:52

This is a great reminder for all that it’s simply not possible to please everybody. Honestly, it’s hard enough to please ourselves, let alone everyone else, you are never going to be able to do this. Because no matter how many people you help in the world, no matter how kind and generous you are to others, there is always going to be someone who is going to have an issue with you. It’s not your issue. It’s theirs. It’s their stuff. It’s their baggage, not yours. Surround yourself with those who champion you and those who uplift you. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  06:36

We have to become disciplined in what we truly want and stay focused on our own mission, happiness, and what we want deep inside, there are going to be times that you have to say no, and get comfortable in the discomfort of saying no, and putting yourself first, no matter what it’s time you begin to strengthen your ability to stand up to others and experience that feeling of having choices and with choices comes far greater happiness.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  07:23

Number two is stop talking negatively about yourself. Well, this is something that I’ve had to learn the hard way, and I still catch myself out doing this now, even if it’s in jest, I still have to learn to stop doing this. You see, as a young child growing up, all I got from my family was that I was not good enough, I was not smart enough, and that I was useless and lazy. So negative self talk came really easily for me. We all have to stop talking badly about ourselves to ourselves. self talk is a reflection of who you want to become in the future, and it will mess with your happiness. What you say to yourself will manifest. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  08:20

So when you speak negatively about yourself, whether it’s to yourself or to others, you become that negative person who attracts more negativity, you will bring that bad energy into every aspect of your life, your work, your health and your relationships. Negativity drags you down by filling you with self doubt and resentment that is not going to help your pursuit of happiness. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  08:52

Much of that negative self talk comes from our past and it prevents us from finding happiness in the present. But guess what? Our thoughts are not always the truth. They are the stories we make up in our own minds. Some of us are so good at telling ourselves all these untruths that we become pathological liars, and our brains don’t know any different. We can change our thought patterns, so we don’t destroy our potential for happiness in life. along my journey, I have met some amazing people who are incredibly talented, but they are broke alone, miserable and just whining at life. And they wonder why. All they see is misery in their world and this misery filters into every part of their lives. They have a lousy attitude and constantly bemoaned life. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  10:00

The lesson here is that it is hard to achieve happiness in your life with negative self talk, it’s time now to say something kind to yourself about yourself. See how life changing this can be, your inner dialogue must be kind, and we must learn to treat ourselves better in life. For the sake of your future happiness, it’s time for you to speak to yourself as your best friend, and not as your worst enemy.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  10:45

Number three, stop gossiping about others. You can’t spend your life in judgment of other people. As social creatures, we’re hardwired for connection. And sometimes this connection may come in the form of gossip. But it’s small minded people who talk about other people’s business. Let me repeat this, again, small minded people talk about other people’s business and bring other people down in their conversations. The problem is that for some gossip provides them with a false sense of feeling better about themselves, irrespective of whether the conversation is positive or negative. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  11:35

But we can all agree that most gossip falls into the negative category, and people gossip for a variety of reasons, usually wanting to feel superior. Oh my goodness, many gossipers feel insecure about themselves, and they usually find temporary relief in their own miserable lives by judging others. They are masters at tearing other people down to build themselves up. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  12:09

Usually a gossip has a sadistic personality and can come off as harsh, aggressive, intimidating, or demeaning. knowing something about someone else that others don’t know makes them feel empowered and sometimes that’s all a gossiper needs, but honestly, this is not going to bring happiness in anyone’s life. This type of gossiper enjoys knowing that someone else is experiencing pain or misfortune and takes delight in that it’s not happening to them. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  12:46

I hate to say, but you know, gossiping about others might inflate your ego. And in the short term, you may feel better about yourself. But in the long term, most people don’t want to be around that kind of energy. I for one, I can’t trust gossipers I hate gossip. I think, well, if they’re saying all those cruel things about others, what are they saying about me when I’m not around? I don’t like it at all, and I don’t indulge in it. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  13:24

Don’t become that kind of person. Instead of gossiping. Learn to talk about ideas, create solutions, focus on dreams, opportunities, things that inspire you. Tell other people your vision for making the world a better place. Elevate the people around you with your conversations and focus on all the good qualities in people, champion them. Become cheerleaders and not haters, support others, uplift them. Stop being mean and miserable. Ask people genuine questions about their lives. Show them you care through your curiosity about what they’re doing. build people up. Don’t tear them down. Be a lover and not a hater in the world. And be honest with yourself about whether this is you. I assure you positivity spreads positivity and this will bring much greater happiness to your life.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  14:40

Number four, stop holding on to the past. Oh, man, I have been guilty of this. I have held on to the past way too many times before. I hate to tell you that your past is gone my friend and you can do anything about the past, you can’t change it, you can choose to hold on to it. And all it does is cause you to feel hurt. Or you can choose to let it go and feel better about your life in the present. It really hurts to have built up feelings of regret, anger or resentment about those experiences in your past. But you do have the power to let these feelings go. If you want to discover true happiness, I’ve done it and it feels incredible. It is so liberating. It’s like taking the shackles off, it’s the greatest sense of peace you will ever have. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  15:45

The only time you need to look back to the past is to see how far you’ve come in the present. Check in to see what has worked well for you, and what hasn’t worked well. So you don’t make those mistakes. Again, the past can be a powerful tool for reflection, just don’t obsess over it. And don’t hold on to it. As you know, it is not going to serve you in the now. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  16:13

You’re never going to discover true happiness in your life if you’re being dragged down and weighted down by the baggage from your past. And that includes emotional baggage too, that you’re carrying around from your childhood, your high school years, what your boss said to you in your first job, or even things that happen to you over more recent years. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  16:39

Think of your life as a book, and every chapter represents a part of your life. As you finish one chapter, you proceed to the next, you’ve been going through them, you finish them, you flip the page, and you start a new chapter. This is your life and in your life, you have to be willing to break free from the last chapter to be in the moment to be in the new chapter. But you must do this. If you want to have the future you so desperately desire. You have to have the courage to allow yourself to honor the past and move on. You also need the courage to forgive those who need to be forgiven, including yourself and to acknowledge that everything that has happened to you has happened for a reason and has led you to the point where you are right now, you wouldn’t be the amazing person who you are now, if it wasn’t for your past. You can’t find true happiness in your present and your future if you allow your past to hold you to ransom.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  18:01

Number five, stop stressing about the future. You can’t predict the future you absolutely can’t and COVID-19 has proven that to all of us. There are so many things that will happen to us in our lifetime that are out of our control. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  18:23

Who could have predicted all the craziness that happened in 2020. As a result of the pandemic, no one had a clue this was all going to happen. So don’t worry about the future. And all those things that haven’t happened yet. You can prepare for the future. But don’t stress about it. This will not bring you joy in the present. Focus on what is going on in your life right now. Be mindful, live in the now. Allow yourself to feel those feelings of happiness by living in the present, doing all the things that make you happy in the now. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  19:04

Focus on becoming your best self in the present moment. So you will be equipped to take on whatever challenges are going to be thrown at you in the future. Be prepared by building yourself up for these challenges. Be sure that no matter what that you cherish the present moment because you are never going to get it back. Did you hear me? You are never going to get this moment back. Tomorrow is not guaranteed for any of us. If you are always stressing about your future, you’re never going to give yourself the opportunity to experience the joys of now. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  19:48

Every time we use the present to stress about the future. We’re choosing to sacrifice the joy of today to mourn the right we may not act Experience tomorrow. It may seem like we’re creating solutions or somehow protecting ourselves from pain, but in all reality, we’re just causing more hurt for ourselves. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  20:15

You know, when I look back at the most fulfilling parts of my life, I realized that most of them took me by complete surprise. I may not have gotten everything I wanted at the time, but I’ve gotten what was right for me at the time. So I’ve learned to trust in the future. The unknown may have provided some heartache from time to time, but it’s also provided me the opportunity to learn and to grow. My life has been a roller coaster, as I’m sure yours has. But I would not change a thing.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  21:04

You can’t always control what happens in our lives, but we can control our actions, it’s time to look at behaviors that are preventing us from experiencing the joy we all deserve. Learn to trust that with change can lead to something good if we keep an open mind, even when it doesn’t, please don’t give up the future will be bright for you. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  21:32

Once you can make change and stop doing these five things, you are going to start attracting so much more positivity and happiness in your life. I’m telling you, you aren’t going to know yourself. Each step of these changes will support your future happiness in a big way. And once again, let’s just go over these. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  21:56

One, Don’t try to please everyone. Number two, don’t talk negatively about yourself. Number three, don’t gossip about others. Number four, don’t hold on to the past. And number five, don’t stress about the future. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  22:17

So right now, I want you to reflect on all these five things. And which one of these do you need to quit right now? Honestly, go and look at yourself in the mirror, fess up and identify which of these are you guilty of? Which of these affect you the most. And once you are aware of these things, you can start the journey of letting go of these bad behaviors so you can start pursuing your own personal greatness and happiness with that negativity. And with that baggage holding you back. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  22:56

You will start to experience a sense of wonder. Those are the moments we live for when all of a sudden we see the world through new eyes in a way we could never have known was possible. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  23:10

Yes, there will be setbacks. And don’t be hard on yourself when those happen because we’re only human after all. In those moments, learn to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start again. Believe in yourself. Don’t give up, stick with it because you are worth the effort. Always have been and always will be. 

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  23:44

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of A Voice and Beyond. I hope you enjoyed it as now is an important time for you to invest in your own self care, personal growth and education. Use every day as an opportunity to learn and to grow so you can show up feeling empowered and ready to live your best life. If you know someone who will also be inspired by this episode, please be sure to copy and paste the link and share it with them. Or share it on social media and use the hashtag #AVoiceAndBeyond. I promise you I am committed to bringing you more inspiration and conversations just like this one every week. And if you would like to help me please rate and review this podcast and cheer me on by clicking the subscribe button on Apple Podcast right now. I would also love to know what it is that you most enjoyed about this episode and what was your biggest takeaway. Please take care and I look forward to your company next time on the next episode have A Voice and Beyond.

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