#170. Courage Unleashed: Overcoming Limits and Achieving Success

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Episode Transcription

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  00:00

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Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  02:33

It’s Marissa Lee here, and I’m so excited to be sharing today solo round episode with you. Whether you’re a member of the voice, community, or beyond your voice is your unique gift. And my mission, which has been inspired by my own personal and professional journey is to empower you to share your gift with others. Now is the time for you to discover your voice in life, develop a positive mindset and become the best and most authentic version of yourself to create greater impact. Ultimately, you can take charge, and you can become the director of your own life. It’s time for you to live your best life. It’s time now for a voice and beyond. So without further ado, let’s go to today’s episode.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  03:40

Life demands the best of us. It challenges us to rise out of our fears, out of our comforts, and into the zones of our peak performance. I love this conversation because I believe that in every human there is an incredible capacity to be strong, to push past one’s limits to experience a broader range of joy, health, vitality, success, and achievement. However, most people make terrible excuses about why they’re not courageous, why they can’t have what they deserve, about why all the challenges and the struggles in their lives are not of their own doing and are living in victim mode over their struggles and all of these can end up holding us all back. I believe that Courage isn’t just a conversation about fear. Courage is not just about overcoming fear. It’s about tapping into those things that broaden us, that push us to new levels and to new heights in our lives that are not defined by fear. So I hope that you will enjoy this audio session on courage. And I hope that you will listen to it over and over and over again. So, let’s jump right into it. I’m going to share with you five areas where you can measure the level of courage in your life right now. And then I’ll share with you the five things you can do to improve further in this area of your life. Each of these measurements is always about you, rating yourself on a scale of one to 10. So let’s get to it. Come on now.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  06:08

Number one, expression, how often do you feel that you’re expressing your true self to the world? And is that with real depth and courage and consistency? And when I say Express, I mean, does your family and do your friends, and do your peers and your colleagues know the real you have you verbalise to them in no uncertain terms, what you believe to be true? What you want in your life, what you need, what things you’re happy within your life, and the things that you’re not happy with? Do you tell them about the life you dream of? Have you been honest with the people around you? Have you express yourself in ways that you feel is authentic? for who you are? Have you felt like you’re being spontaneous with the people around you? I call all of that expression. And it’s how you express yourself with true authenticity, and consistency and bravery. It’s about the ways in which you truly express yourself, or are you on the opposite range of all of that? Do you feel like your expression is a level one, if it’s a level one, that means you live in silence, you’re not showing the world who you truly are. You’re not being authentic and real with others. You feel as though you have to put this mask on to fit in, to be accepted or loved in the way you want to be. A true measurement of lack of courage, it’s when you’re not being true to yourself, and not showing up in life as who you truly are, and not telling others what to you are truly thinking or what you’re truly feeling when you desire something. You are not being honest with yourself and with those around you. I understand, you know, I’ve been there. Often, it’s hard to express who you truly are. Because perhaps you feel down and out. So you just put on a happy face for everyone around you. And you don’t want to share your real thoughts and feelings. Yes, I have been there. When my first husband died. Many years ago. I wanted people around me I needed people around me. I was scared of being alone. So I put on a brave face to the world. I thought that people wouldn’t want to be around someone who was constantly sad, and feeling that tremendous loss. I was not truly expressing myself to the world. So I do understand, but I was not expressing myself with authenticity. I lacked courage to do so. Okay, so where are you right now with expression. One means means that you don’t express with others, and you live in silence. So no expressing who you are. Or are you attend, which means that you are authentic, effervescent, spontaneous, true and honest. And Now ask yourself, why? Why did I give myself that number? And how could I improve on it? And allow yourself to say, Don’t I deserve to improve that number? Isn’t life about showing up as who I truly am? Aren’t I good enough, just as I am, tell yourself no more hiding, no more fearing, it’s time for me to show up, and to show people who I truly am. And to express what I truly want. You deserve that. It’s the main motivation of humankind, to be free in who we really are, and to pursue freely what we truly desire. And if we’re not doing those things, we will lose our motivation in life. Number two is awareness. You have to be aware of your fears. So the second area I want you to measure is your awareness of what it is you actually doubt and fear. This means really knowing what’s holding you back. The thing is, if you’re completely oblivious to watch you’re afraid of, then you’re never going to be able to push past what you’re afraid of. If you don’t know where you’re doubting yourself or delaying in life, then you don’t know where the handbrake is being applied to your life. So think about it. What do you fear? What do you doubt? Where do you delay? And if you don’t know, then perhaps you’re just not self aware. It’s important that we all know the things that bring us anxiety, the things that make us a little scared, or those things that make us doubt ourselves, or hold us back. This makes total sense. How can you overcome your fears, if you don’t know what they are. And if we don’t know what those are, then we have not done the work of reflecting on our lives. Because let’s face it, every human being has fear, whether they want to admit it or not. Very rarely does a person not have fear. You know, I remember one of my fears used to be as silly as I used to have a fear of making a big career shift. I am going to go from being a full time performer to a full time teacher, a mentor and a coach. I told myself, that’s going to take me away from my art and my creativity and my talents, I’m going to lose my identity. And that was a real fear. And I had to be aware of that, as I was transitioning across careers, if I didn’t understand fear, and that it’s a normal thing to feel, I would have kept limiting my personal and professional growth. But once I became aware of that fear, and I normalised that fear, I would just look at it, accept it for what it was not judge myself for it. But most importantly, not let it stop me. I would check in with that consistently. Because I was aware that fear was my automatic response. And my automatic response would be me in flight mode.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  14:32

But I didn’t run away, proudly. I’ve gone on to have a highly successful teaching career that has led to so many amazing things. So do you feel like you’re aware of the things that are holding you back? Let’s raise your awareness. If you’re completely oblivious, that’s a one. And if you’re absolutely sure of all The things that are holding you back, and you know why you have those fears, and where they’ve come from? And what’s making you doubt yourself? Or what’s making you delay, then you are a 10. And don’t forget to ask yourself, why you’ve scored yourself this way? Why did I give myself that number? And even more importantly, how can I improve on it, you might find that if you take the time to acknowledge your fear, and understand why it’s there, that you will find ways to overcome it, or dare I say, be courageous in spite of it. Number three, this third category is change. Let me ask you, How comfortable are you with change. Some people simply don’t deal with change at all, while others get bored, and they need that kind of stimulation one gets from change, and they feel us in this area of their lives. So how do you rate your comfort level with change? One is not comfortable at all, or 10 is like no problems. I make changes in my life, like I change my underwear. This means it’s easy for you, it’s no problem. You’re very adaptable, you’re very flexible, you’re very open to going with the flow. Perhaps you’ve been through a lot. And you realise that in life, there is ebb and flow. You understand that life throws challenges at us so we can learn and grow. And with that comes change. when life throws you a bunch of challenges, you understand that? This is life, boss tracking your growth. This makes you resilient to change. But the more you grow, the more and more comfort you feel, and the more and more certainty you feel around change.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  17:20

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Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  21:19

What about the career change you so badly? Want? Isn’t it time you made that move? Isn’t it time you say yes to change? Number four? Trying again, when you fail? Do you pick yourself up? Dust yourself off? And try again? Do you get back on the horse? Do you look for a different way of approaching things? Are you flexible and adaptive to dealing with the same problem? Or are you one of those people who starts avoiding that problem? Just because the first time you tried, it didn’t work? So now, the thing that didn’t work out for the first time, that thing you really want to do in life so badly is on the backburner and you avoid it. If you’re someone who absolutely will not try again, when you fail, you get a one in this rating. However, if you keep at it, you try hard at it, you persist, you’re resilient, then it’s a 10 I think it’s a really important thing to understand when it comes to courage is that willingness to try again, even when you do fail, you can say to yourself, well, things didn’t go so well. They didn’t go as planned. And hey, it’s okay. Let’s try again. Yep. Let’s try again. It’s amazing what you can achieve when you try again, and you stick with it. Let’s use my social reels as an example. Those are now all one take wonders. But I remember the first time I had to shoot a one minute video. It took me three hours, three hours to shoot a one minute video. It was awful. I sounded awful. It was like an alien talking. That’s crazy. I was so embarrassed. I couldn’t get the words out and I was trying to memorise things I had scripted. And that didn’t work either. So then I tried to read the script directly. I was so awkward in front of the camera, and I had no clue what I was doing. So I tried again. And I tried again. And I tried again. And you know, my videos have gotten better gradually over time. By trying again. They just got a little better, a little better, and a little better. And now it’s all done in one take no script, no perfection here at all. But there’s something I can be proud of. That’s because I kept trying again. And it took a level of courage and dedication to do that. I suppose it’s difficult to be vulnerable and to know that you’re not doing a good job and to say, no matter what, I’m going to stick with it. It takes courage. and it takes not giving up. So in the trying again department, how do you rate? One means you don’t ever try again? Or are you that 10? Because you don’t ever quit? Ask yourself, why do you quit? Or if you’re a 10? How did you develop that practice of trying again? What was it in your life that has triggered either response? Awareness is always the first step to courage, but it’s also the first step towards taking centre stage in your life. Number five, this last measurement of courage, is how long are you willing to endure hardship and struggle? You know, endurance is a big measurement of courage, because it’s so easy to quit. It’s easy to let go of discomfort, it’s easy to say, You know what, this is not going well. I’m out of here. And I’m just not trying again. In life, it’s about endurance. We talk about honouring the struggle when it’s not going so well. There can be hardship in the journey. So how long will you endure the hardship? It’s a part of courage to be able to push through those things that bring us discomfort, or struggle, or hardship, and keep at it over and over again, until we develop mastery over it. This is so important. Now, some people, they endure the struggle forever. But they endure the struggle in silence. They never asked for help. They don’t ask for that support. They may endure a struggle, but they’re doing the wrong thing. Or they’re going about things in the wrong way. But they don’t adjust or adapt their behaviour. They don’t try again, they don’t change. They don’t know what’s holding them back. They don’t express their hardship, and walk through life trying to portray themselves as some kind of hero. But when I say enduring the struggle, I mean, being okay with discomfort and vulnerability, long enough to reach your dreams. So let’s rate you on this. If you won’t endure the struggle, you’re a one. That means you’re just not comfortable with discomfort. You’re 10. If you’re consistent, and you’re vibrant, even through the struggle, you recognise it for what it is, and you honour it as part of the process.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  28:22

So with those five categories, the maximum number of points possible is 50. That would mean your 10 in all those categories, self expression, awareness of your fear or doubts or delays, your comfort and willingness to change, your ability to try again and again, and your endurance to struggle. If you didn’t get a 50 We have to get you up into that higher range. Don’t despair. This is a lifetime journey. It’s not easy. It’s challenging. We all have to work on these things, and have the courage to make change, right? Life is difficult, and it’s difficult during all stages of life. It takes a lot of courage to get up again. So honour that journey. And let’s begin. What could you do to improve the level of courage in your life? I’m going to help you here. First thing is, number one, start saying no more often. The number one failed point of courage is our inability to say no to others, saying no to distraction, saying no to opportunities that may appear to be good on the surface. And they’re positive, but they’re not truly aligned with where You need to be in your life as you move forward. It’s being able to say no to people who treat others poorly. This is a vital, vital area of life. I think our ability to say no is ultimately one of the most important trades. We need to take our lives to the next level. Believe it or not, we must be able to say no. And I mean no to distraction. Saying no to distraction has also been a huge learning curve in my life. I have lots of distractions in my life. And I’ve had to teach myself that my first response to new opportunities must be a no. And then I must be able to convince myself why it must be a yes. For many of us, we want to say yes, and accept everything that comes our way, as we view everything that comes our way as an opportunity. But that’s what gets us in trouble, especially because high achievers tend to be talented at everything. They tend to work hard, and they succeed at everything. So they say yes, and they’ll do great. But then they spread themselves too thin. They burn out, and they find themselves doing 10 million things, but only three of them really well. So I teach my clients to say no to everything. First up, and that’s step one, say no to everything. Step two is make the case for why you should say yes. Is this task, important to your ability to reach your goals? Is this going to improve your life? does it align with your core values and where you see yourself in the next five years? But that case has to be solid? Step three is really evaluate that case? Are you really keeping perspective on this? Are you taking a real passionate and emotional view? Or a practical one? What are the repercussions and the consequences of taking this thing on? And that’s all difficult work? And it takes courage to say no. But those who do and do it well, and do it consistently. This allows them to say yes, more to the things that are right for them. The things that are important to them. Now is the time to learn to ask. Ask for the things that you need. If you’ve ever been afraid to ask for help, because of fear that you may seem weak. You’re not the only one. I think this is kind of human nature. It’s a sad irony that it’s during the times we need most help, that we don’t have the courage to ask for it. Usually, when we’re in serious need of help, we are living a fear based life. We often have little or no confidence in ourselves, and we’re afraid of how others will perceive us. Most of us will not have the courage to open up and feel even more vulnerable to ask for help when it’s needed.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  34:02

We all need to learn that it’s okay to need help and to ask for it. Even Good leaders know that by asking for help. This is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of courage. In fact, when leaders can’t admit they need help, that lack of humility actually becomes an obstacle that hinders progress, and success outcomes. Every good leader has their tribe. Sometimes we’re ashamed to seek help. We’re afraid of hearing those crushing words. You know, you made your bed now you lie in it. Or I told you so. Or even worse when people say Serves you right. So we’d rather not speak up The possibility of seeming needy or even being rejected. And to reach out to ask for help when we need it takes so much courage. But then look at it this way, by asking others for help. When times are tough, gives others the opportunity to ask for help themselves if they ever needed in the future. Those that you seek help from may need it themselves one day, think about it, so everyone is better off. So whether you need someone to lend you a hand, or you just need to borrow an ear, consider this. By having the courage to ask for help. You’re not putting others out, you’re pulling them up. The important thing here is that none of us have to do life alone. Once you find your tribe, and those people you connect with in life, your life is much richer for it. Cultivate your network and your relationships. Serve surround yourself with role models of quietly courageous people. Work at building those relationships, invest time and energy into others, and they will do the same for you. There will be times in your life, when you will need to confide in someone you trust. Give yourself permission to ask for help. Ask for what you really need and become more consistent with this. It’s time to unlock the journey of courage. Number three, set bigger goals. Have the courage to set those bigger goals. Your courage is really reflected in your goals. This is an unknown truth. If I talk with someone, and they have no goals, I’m sorry to say they have no courage. They probably have once and desires. But they never set a goal that is beyond themselves. And so that part of their coverage is not being amplified. Look, I do put myself out there. And sometimes I asked myself, What the hell were you thinking? But that’s meant that I’ve set some big ticket goals. And I’ve had to amp up my courage at times 100 fold. There’s been times before I’ve had to get up and give a presentation at an international conference or release a new product that I think to myself, were you crazy to put yourself up for this? And then when it all goes well, I think Well, now that I know I can do that thing. It will be easier next time. And then I also ask, well, what’s the next level for me? Because if I can do this, I can do anything I put my mind to. And that’s how you feel when you achieve something that’s on a grand scale. It really empowers you. It really helps you step up in terms of courage to achieve the next biggest thing in your life. Some of you may say, Ah, everybody is on this treadmill for wanting more. And they’re always wanting more and more and more. What a terrible way to live. Isn’t that horrible? And I say no to that. What a great way to live. Of course we all want more. It may be you want to deepen your love and your relationship with your wife, your husband, your kids, your community, your present moment. But more here is not the enemy clearly. You may want to have more connection with this present moment more than before. That’s not a negative ambition. More is a good thing. When it comes at a cost or a compromise in your other goals you want to achieve or at the cost of your health. That is the problem. That’s a huge problem. When it becomes a conflict of interest, or a challenge, or causes you problems in other areas. of your life, that is a bad thing for sure. But for most people, they truly need to set bigger goals. This would require them to analyse what they really want, and to evaluate what is right for them and dare to dream again, to access that greater vision and the strength that they need to get inspired. That’s a positive thing. So let’s set bigger goals. What do you say? And you know what, there are so many areas of your life where you can set bigger goals. Are you ready to scale and share your products or services globally? Well, introducing a voice and beyond the podcast that reaches listeners in 99 countries across 2185 cities, ranked in the top point 5% of podcasts globally, a voice and beyond is offering you an exclusive opportunity to connect with an international audience. This isn’t just about advertising. It’s an exclusive and unique chance for businesses and individuals to amplify their message worldwide. So whether you’re a member of the voice community, a health care professional, and author, a budding entrepreneur, or an established brand, seize the moment to be heard where it matters most. You can email me on info at Dr. Marisa Lee naismith.com, or visit the link in the show notes to learn more about this extraordinary opportunity. Whatever you do, don’t miss out on reaching our global audience. Because your voice deserves to be heard everywhere.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  42:10

So what are your big ticket goals? It does take courage to do something big. Can you imagine the courage it took for JFK to say we’re going to land on the moon? That was a big goal, an absolute almost impossible goal, but they made it happen. And what about Elon Musk, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates and the things that they’ve achieved that were massive goals. And I know you have made a lot of goals happen in your life. Even if it wasn’t putting a man on the moon. It’s not about that. It’s just that sometimes reaching that higher level of performance, that bigger milestone, accessing that state of getting excited, like really excited about something changes our perspective about life. Again, this requires a new challenge. So go and set that for yourself. Give yourself the gift of new challenges, the gift of bigger goals, it’s time for you to give yourself that push again. It’s okay. That push is a part of courage. And it’s time to start flexing your muscles in terms of courage, the more you push, the stronger those muscles become. And number four, stop living your life to the standard of others. We talked about having the courage to say no. And in order to do that, you must stop living your life to the standard of others. Everyone has an opinion, oh my gosh, don’t they want. And at times people may have your best interest at heart. But then there are times they don’t. Even those who do have your best interest at heart may not truly understand what makes you happy and fulfilled in your life. So you have to have the courage not to listen to others and stop trying to live to their expectations. I’m here to tell you that the opinions of other people don’t matter. Unless it’s coming from someone you truly love, or highly respect or someone who is your mentor or someone who is very successful and is achieving the very thing you’re aspiring to do in your future. Why would you listen to those who live in the cheap seats? Who were throwing cheap shots at you? Listen, if they’re doing this to you They’re doing it to others. Yes, this may sound a little harsh. But sometimes those people you find the most intimidating, are usually full of huff and puff. It’s usually a smokescreen for their own insecurities. They like to bring others down to build themselves up. I know many people like this, they’ve probably never done what you’re doing themselves. And they’re the ones who are making the most noise about it. If that’s the case, they have no right to do that. They’re nothing but schoolyard bullies living in the cheap seats of life, it’s most likely, they have never had the courage themselves to venture out in the true arena of life. And until they do, they have not earned the right to pass judgement. So don’t allow others to make you fearful of expressing your true self to the world. Some people may even be jealous of you. And they themselves are afraid of your success, and more than happy to offer you the wrong advice. So don’t pay attention to those types of people. And don’t even worry about proving them wrong, because that’s creating a negative energy. It’s not helping you step up your courage. So don’t spend all your time trying to make everyone happy, because it’s simply not possible. It’s a reminder that it’s simply not possible to please everyone. And the sooner you realise that, the sooner you will have the courage to do whatever you believe is right. And whatever you believe is fair. It’s time to focus on you and what you want. I understand all about this, because as a child, and a woman growing up in the Italian community, I came to the realisation that I couldn’t live my life to the standards of that culture. I realised that to be my true self. And to live my most authentic life. I needed like minded people around me who honoured the same values. Creating those communities gives us the support to face challenges and to face fear. It is so much easier to be courageous when we have support. To apply this in our own lives, we must examine our relationships, and distinguish between those that are toxic from those people who share similar values. Those courageous values such as kindness, vulnerability, optimism, and empathy. It’s time to start inviting those like minded people into your life. This could be a compassionate family member, a friend, a coach, or a therapist who provides the support and perspective you need to persevere during difficult times. Sometimes, just having someone listened to you helps immeasurably. So make an effort to spend time with these types of people. A relationship with a positive, caring person is one of the best ways to reduce fear and build courage. Stick with those who build you up and not tear you down. And then number five, is have the courage in evaluating yourself. This is a great one to finish up on, is to get you to rate yourself, right? A lot of people lack the courage to do a self analysis because they don’t want to see the bad stuff. They want to look at themselves through a smoke screen and don’t want to look at themselves as they truly are. They don’t want to admit when they feel shame about their actions and they don’t want to look at themselves when they’ve failed and analyse why it’s happened. Because what they try to do is to distract themselves from having that tough conversation with themselves. They’re not being honest. When they ask themselves, how am I really going? How am I really doing here? You know, I’m so lucky to work with many very talented performers and creatives. And you know, the ones that I see getting ahead are the ones who are really curious about their own thoughts, their own emotions and their own behaviours. Their curiosity in these areas are equal to the curiosity they have about their bank balances, or their audience reviews or their last performance. They’re comfortable getting feedback from other people, which I know. And, you know, really kind of sucks at times. Sometimes getting that honest feedback from other people is not such a feel good situation. But real self courage is having the ability to look at oneself, and to be able to say, Yeah, I was not a good person in that situation, I should have done better, I could do better. It’s allowing yourself to be the observer in your life. It’s not about hating yourself, or getting down on yourself. It’s not to beat yourself up. But when you evaluate yourself, it’s to help you institute a new thought, a new emotion, or perhaps a new behaviour. What areas can you do better in and doing it without self hatred or self pity or blaming others? It’s just about using the evaluation process to challenge yourself to do better. That’s the kind of courage I’m talking about, to evaluate oneself openly with love. You know, I laugh when I suck on video. I laugh when I make a mistake on stage.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  52:04

I laugh when I don’t do good, it’s challenging. But I’ve learned to laugh at off. I evaluate myself constantly. I’m always evaluating my level of energy and performance in life every day. And that’s important. It’s made me who I am today. As I’m doing this audio, I’m evaluating myself. Not in ways that limit me, but in ways that I just check in. How’s this feeling? What am I saying what’s going on here? You know, this particular section has been hard for me because my voice is acting out. I’ve been speaking so much, that my voice is a little fatigued and doesn’t have the energy I wanted to have. So I don’t feel like I’m speaking the way I would usually, as much as I would like this not to be happening. I don’t beat myself up for it. I’m just aware of it. So it allows me to perform a little better. It gives me that courage to say, you know, I’m not doing as well as I want to. But let’s set the challenge for myself here.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  53:32

I hope that all of these areas from saying no, to asking for what you really want and having the courage to ask for support, to setting bigger goals to evaluating yourself. Don’t bring you discomfort or fear. Think of courage as a muscle. As I said earlier, and keep working on building your courage muscle, you build muscle by doing the same action repetitively. So when it comes to courage, it’s all about you pushing yourself to step outside of your comfort zone consistently. You only have one chance at this life, so it’s worth it. With that question the Life You Want To Live is worth the effort. It is possible but it won’t be easy initially to achieve. But I know you’re willing to fight for it. With each action of courage, standing up for what you value, speaking out for those who don’t have a voice taking action when too many people are afraid to step in and help. You are not only creating a better life for yourself and for those who love but others you may not even know about in your community as you begin to live more religiously in your life. Know that your actions speak volumes. Now is the time more than ever to step up your courage. Challenge yourself to look at your life and explore your own courage. Until next time, go out there every single day of your life, realise you are stronger than you ever imagined. Dedicate yourself to being a courageous person. And as always, dare to live the life you imagined. It’s time to step out of those wings and take centre stage in your life. Because you are worthy, you are worth the effort. Always have been and always will be. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of a voice and beyond. I hope you enjoyed it as now is an important time for you to invest in your own self care, personal growth and education. Use every day as an opportunity to learn and to grow so you can show up feeling empowered and ready to live your best life. If you know someone who will also be inspired by this episode, please be sure to copy and paste the link and share it with them. Or share it on social media and use the hashtag a voice and beyond. I promise you I am committed to bringing you more inspiration and conversations just like this one every week. And if you would like to help me please rate and review this podcast and cheer me on by clicking the subscribe button on Apple podcast right now. I would also love to know what it is that you most enjoyed about this episode and what was your biggest takeaway? Please take care and I look forward to your company next time on the next episode of a voice and beyond.