#130. Pleasure is my North Star with Sloane

JOIN THE COMMUNITY

Episode Transcription

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  00:00

Hi it’s Marissa Lee here, and I’m so excited to be sharing today’s interview round episode with you. In these episodes, our brilliant lineup of guests will include healthcare practitioners, voice educators, and other professionals who will share their stories, knowledge and experiences within their specialized fields to empower you to live your best life. Whether you’re a member of the voice, community, or beyond your voice is your unique gift. It’s time now to share your gift with others develop a positive mindset and become the best and most authentic version of yourself to create greater impact. Ultimately, you can take charge, it’s time for you to live your best life. It’s time now for a voice and beyond. So without further ado, let’s go to today’s episode.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  01:15

This week, on a voice and beyond, we have the most delightful guest Sloane who is the founder of beyond the edge retreat, which is a transformative peak experience for professional women. This is one of the most insightful interviews I have ever had, with so many brilliant and life changing pearls of wisdom being shared by Sloane. She begins by sharing her remarkable story of courage, vulnerability and radical self love. Sloan explained her career journey, which started as an extremely successful business attorney working for the fourth largest law firm in the world, and how she transitioned to becoming a renowned guide for women seeking to break free from the hustle culture. This happened when Sloan realized she was not living a life of deepest pleasure. Now Sloane’s life and work are all about tapping into the deepest parts of ourselves to create lasting success and happiness. In this episode Sloane shares many of her life’s philosophies on how we can all cultivate greater pleasure in every aspect of our lives. How we can tap into the life we truly want through science based manifestation, the importance of living life in alignment, the greatest lies we tell ourselves and there is so much more. This episode is not only dedicated to empowering and uplifting women, but for all men who are wishing to step into the greater version of themselves. Also, this is such a beautiful interview, and I trust you will love listening to Sloane just as much as I did. So without further ado, let’s go to today’s episode

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  03:35

Welcome to a voice and beyond we have Sloane how are you?

Sloane  03:41

I am fantastic. So happy to be here. Marissa,

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  03:44

likewise, because we’ve had a couple of conversations before today, and you and I, we just have so many things that we share in terms of philosophies and thoughts about life and, and I’m really excited to be speaking with you. Now you are the founder of beyond the edge retreat, which is a transformative peak experience for professional women. However, we’re not going to talk about that straight up. Because you have such an interesting backstory. You left working for the fourth largest law firm in the world. To start your own firm. You were generating millions of dollars before selling it to follow your real passion. Okay, I want to know why you studied law in the first place. Well, that’s

Sloane  04:45

an interesting story because I was raised that I could do anything I wanted in this life except to become a lawyer. And I never actually intended to practice law. Eventually. I had a professor who was like you should go to law school, you’ll learn a different way to think, which turned out to be very true and very valuable. And I just thought I would go and learn how to do it and then do something else. And through that process, I got into the system, and decided I wasn’t just going to become a lawyer, I was actually going to go all the way and get the best job that I could possibly get, which was how I ended up at what is now the fourth largest firm in the world.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  05:25

Well, and that is based in the States.

Sloane  05:29

It’s based in the States, but it’s actually all over the world. So the firm now is called Norton, Rose Fulbright, and they’re all over.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  05:37

Okay. Sounds like there was a little bit of defiance, see that you were told that you could do anything but that and that’s what you want to do when you’re trying to prove something?

Sloane  05:49

Yeah, I, it might be, I mean, if we look at the deepest psychology of this situation, that is definitely possible. And it turned out to be one of the greatest gifts of my life, because it is truly the path of how I came to where I am now. And doing this work, actually, in particular that I’m doing now would never have happened and the quality and context of what I do without me having been a business lawyer, so I was representing companies, entrepreneurs, people building businesses all over the world.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  06:22

So tell us about that journey to where you’re at. Now, what happened? what point did you decide, I’m not doing this anymore.

Sloane  06:34

I was building my own law firm, and I loved being an entrepreneur, it just lit me up, I was so excited, I created this innovative model of offering business legal services based on flat fees. And if you’ve ever worked with a lawyer, you know that that’s probably one of the biggest complaints that people have. It’s kind of like, I know what they’re doing. And then they’re billing me by the hour. So I was excited about that. And I launched into my my own firm. So I went from the big firm to my own firm, and took this big risk and gave up a huge salary and all these benefits. And everybody thought I was crazy. And I’m like, I’m doing it, I’m gonna go for it. And the first six months of working, I only made $12,000. Now, I had gone from a $250,000 plus salary a year and all this prestige and everything. And I was scared. I was embarrassed. I didn’t know what am I doing wrong? I know I’m a good lawyer, I’m certainly have a lot of people I can help. And so I hired a mentor to help me learn how to do the business of being a lawyer. Yes. And in that, yes, in that process, I really revolutionized my understanding of myself of how to build a successful company. And I started offering my entrepreneur clients, I started saying, hey, I can help you with a lot more than your legal work, I can actually help you in your marketing, your sales, profitability, your team, your mindset, whatever. So for $99 a month, you can have unlimited phone and email access to me. And I started coaching all my clients. So by the time I sold the firm, I had coached hundreds of my clients. And I had previously formed a company, which is, you know, ultimately became the company I have now. And I was I was coaching and really realized, this is what I’m here to do. And so I sold my law firms and seeing this full time.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  08:41

That’s incredible. I can imagine your, your law clients coming to you and you’re going, well tell me what happened to you as a child. It’s like, in the corner, there was a couch. So they come in for advice. The next thing, they’re laying on the couch, and you’re counseling them.

Sloane  09:02

Yeah, I’ve had people say that they’re like this, more like a therapy session. And I’m like, Well, I’m not a therapist, but I understand what you’re saying.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  09:09

I know. And isn’t it weird when you have that particular skill? And it’s kind of innate, as well. And the more you tap into it, the more you attract those people that that’s what they’re wanting from you. And I’m finding that with some of my teaching, is that, well, my husband was listening to me teach the other night, and he expected to hear singing. And he said, That was a coaching session. That was not a there was no singing. And I said no, but that’s what that student wants. They need coaching and that’s different to therapy. They they want guidance. They don’t want to learn how to sing, but in them discovery and who they are, their voice does start to ooze out of them in the most authentic way. But we’re getting off track here. But I love this. And so where did you found that you had this skill that you had this passion? So what did you do with it?

Sloane  10:19

So I created a course I started coaching lawyers and helping them create successful companies. That was what I first did when I sold this law firm. And in 2014, I took a big leap, and I had invested $100,000 with a new mentor to help me in growing my, my company and building my business. And this was beginning when I was still an attorney. And at that time, I went to one of his conferences, and he says, envision the highest version of your life. And at that time, I was like, Okay, I know the most important thing. I’m just divorced, I want to have a really close relationship with my four year old daughter, Colette. The next thing is, I really live like the world is my playground. And I want to be surrounded by a group of friends who do the same thing. And the last thing I thought was, I really want to have a partner, who’s someone where we can live and we can grow and we can travel together. Now cut to four years later, I had sold my law firm 2018, and I’m at this private beach resort in Mexico with my new love. We actually met in a bar in Zambia. And we lived together Zambia, Zambia, yes, yes. Okay, but over there. Uh huh. And now we live together. My daughter loves him, I love him. And I’m there at this resort with a group of friends who we’ve been traveling the world with. So here I have this life that I purposely consciously put together. And I’m at this beach resort, having dinner under a straw, thatched roof in this paradise, when I start having this crazy out of body experience. Because I consciously created every aspect of this. I don’t feel like I belong here. Really. I’m not actually having fun. There at the dinner. I don’t have a close relationship that I want with Colette. And when I go home from this experience, I’m scheduled to have a policies and procedures retreat for attorneys that I’m knowing in my heart, this isn’t the work that I’m here to do. So the next morning, my boyfriend and I, we get into this huge argument. And it’s the same argument we’ve had a million times and in his frustration in that moment, he looks right at me, and he says, Sloane, why don’t we just get married. And I’m thinking, this is not a life I wanted. So we break up, and I decide to bring my life to a screeching halt. I cancel all my travel, I asked my friends for space. And really, for the first time in my life, I’m completely by myself, trying to figure out how did I get here? And who have I become who have I been being, I start taking myself on dates to the beach, I start focusing on Colette and I start asking myself questions like, if you forget about what you think will make you happy, what actually makes you happy. Instead of traveling through Europe and going to Burning Man with my ex and all of our friends, I take Colette to Malaysia, and we spend lazy days together in the water and going down the slide. And there’s this one night Marissa where I’m giving her a bath and I have this moment of washing her hair and realizing that it’s me washing her hair, not a nanny not rushing the bath like I have somewhere else to be but like being the mom that I’ve been wanting to be really her whole life. And when we go home from that, that experience, I take this big leap and I’m like, Alright, not doing the policies and procedures retreat for attorneys. I’m going to renovate house and I invite a bunch of women to a retreat that’s focused on aligning to their highest potential and no one shows up. So I’m like, Okay, I three months later, I do it again. This is happening. I rent the estate I invite women and this time four women come. So cut to today, I host retreats around the world, guiding women and truly stepping into their own highest potential and fulfilling their deepest desires that begins with their experience of true pleasure. And this was what I’m so excited to talk about with you today. Because this, this true pleasure is really about experiencing it in life and business and connection and every aspect of life, which also happens to create our highest levels of success and the impact. And in all of this, and in this process, and this work that I do now in the world, what I’ve come to discover is that we are meant to be experiencing so much more pleasure in our lives, we’re meant to be experiencing it in our work and the passion of creativity. We’re meant to be experiencing it in our relationships, and that feeling of connection. And we’re meant to be experiencing more of it in every realm of our lives. And I’m not talking about the kind of pleasure that I was seeking in my life. That really was the biggest learning of all, is this is about a pleasure that’s created for you by you on the inside. And I hope we can dive into it.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  16:04

Yes, please. Let’s just start with the with the basics for our listeners here. Because there’s questions I have around manifestation. And there is what people believe manifestation is, but then I know that there’s science-based evidence about the way that we can manifest truly. And also, let’s start with pleasure. When you talk about pleasure, some people’s perceptions around that. It could be, is it joy? Is it happiness? How do you define pleasure?

Sloane  16:46

I love this topic, because I actually think that pleasure is just calling for a remodel a new definition, especially for us as women, because I think pleasure has usually been relegated to sex chocolate or travel, you know, time when you can just check out and get about everything.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  17:06

Yes, yes. So what is it? Yeah, what do you believe?

Sloane  17:11

For me, pleasure is about having a beautiful inner world environment, it’s about the way you treat yourself the way you feel in your body. The Dutch have a word that is closer to any word that I know of in English, it’s called his Selleck. And for them, this is a really big part of their culture. And I’ve heard it described a variety of ways. But my favorite is that feeling of being around a cozy fire with people you love while you’re sipping on a hot chocolate or something you enjoy, and just that warm, loving goodness inside, like

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  17:49

a warm, fuzzy feeling that you can feel in your body that you

Sloane  17:54

physically feel in your body. So if you take yourself to a time where you were just like, oh, life is so wonderful, you know, maybe it’s in that sunset, or you read a passage in a book, and it’s so rich, and you feel like you’re there the holding a baby or whatever your experience is, yes, what I’m talking about is cultivating that kind of feeling inside, where it’s not actually dependent on outside things happening. It just is your state of being.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  18:27

Okay. When you went through all those changes in your life, and you took that leap of faith. And you first felt that pleasure, and you recognize that pleasure for what it was in that moment when you were bathing your daughter. You took that leap of faith? What would stop the average person from taking that leap of faith? I know fear is the obvious one. Yeah, but how much of it is to that there’s self worth, that people believe they don’t deserve it. Or that you have to work hard in life. That, you know, if you don’t work hard, then you’re not going to achieve anything, that you’re not going to arrive at that place of pleasure. So what do you believe is is preventing us from living that life?

Sloane  19:27

Well, this is so important, and I love these examples that you’re bringing up because a lot of people and my work is with women, but this applies to everybody. A lot of people are like, that’s really great Sloane you can talk about pleasure, but I’m just trying to pay my bills and figure out my day and deal with my life. So the leap from the way most people are living into pleasure is actually too big. So the stepping stone is radical self love and an other way to say it is building a powerful relationship with yourself. So you notice in the story I shared, it just so happened through my kind of extreme life circumstances that I had the stepping stone, without really thinking about it of, I was just me. And I was building relationship with myself. And I also want to say I was being guided by some very powerful, wonderful mentors. So I wasn’t doing this completely on my own. I had great support. And I was socially I would say alone. And so if pleasure seems like something way out there, and it’s sort of untouchable in this moment, just know that that’s okay. And I like to start with what I call a core belief, I have a framework with five core beliefs. And one of those is pleasure is my North Star. So first is do you accept this idea that when you feel good on the inside, when you’re experiencing this version of pleasure that I’m describing, that not only are you better off in your life, everyone around you is better off? And then and we can talk about science and the studies? And I definitely want to touch on that too. But if you do accept that, if that’s something that you say, like philosophically, I want to embrace that step one, after that decision, is, what do you need to do to change the quality of the relationship that you have with you? How you treat yourself on the inside? That is everything? Because how could you feel good, with this pleasure, and this warm, coziness, if you berate yourself, if you’re down on yourself, if you’re mean to you, or anything, any of those things that most people experience on the inside.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  21:50

I do believe 100%, that everything starts with self first. And one thing that I’m really working hard on is stop being so hard on myself. Because I can be really hard on myself, I have very high expectations of myself, and I and I drive myself really hard. And like at the moment, I’m building a new business, which I I was meant to launch in last month, and it didn’t happen. But I wasn’t hard on myself that that didn’t happen, I was able to let that go. So I feel like I’m on a treadmill at the moment where I have to work, I have to work I have to work. But the thing that is keeping me going is knowing that it is taking me to a path to where I truly want to be. And I can picture the lifestyle that will come as a result of that. So I’m kind of tapping into the extrinsic at the moment, all those things that I see from my future better that like, it’s going to free up more time, I’m going to have more time with my grandchildren, I’m going to be able to travel more, I’m going to be able to just be more. But in that moment when you’re doing the hard work. How do we not be so hard on ourselves? Like, Oh, are we doing the right thing? By doing what we’re doing? Or should it just should we not be working so hard?

Sloane  23:32

Well, that is a really important consideration. Because the way I think about it is we have two choices. If you if you want to accept pleasure as my North Star as a core belief, then the practice is not to be grinding not to be miserable in this moment. So on this topic of investing now for yourself in the future, we have the two choices, there’s either the choice to stop doing it, get someone else to do it, move it out, and maybe you just don’t do it or you choose a different path or you could change the story that you tell yourself about it and enjoy now while you do it, which is what it sounds like you’re doing the pro you’re you’re making things for the future. But you’re also right now thinking, oh my gosh, this is so wonderful. I’m doing this I’m going to be more time with my grandchildren. I’m going to be traveling you’re feeling good in the moment while you’re doing it even though it sounds like you’re working hard. Is that your experience?

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  24:37

Yes that’s what I’m that’s what I endeavor to do every day is to remind myself of the why. So that the process isn’t as hard as what it can be at times when you over-commit yourself which is your own fault. You have no one to blame but yourself when that happens. or you’re tired, you just, you know, I grab onto those ideas. And those, I suppose those pleasurable ideas of what life will look like. And I don’t ever doubt though, that this is not going to happen, I don’t ever doubt that it’s not going to be successful, I truly believe it will be successful. It’s just, I kind of look at life as us having seasons, we have a season where we plant the seeds, we have a season, we then we reap the benefits of the fruits of our labor, we gather. So I believe at the moment, I’m in that planting season of my life. And I think that helps. But that the hard thing is, then, in a situation where we get on that treadmill, and this has happened to me in the past, I was doing a PhD, I was doing that on a full-time load. And I was also working full time and I was under high stress was highly anxious for basically five years. And then I didn’t know how to switch that off. What do we do in a situation like that, where we get on that treadmill, and we don’t know how to turn it off. And we feel like we’re stuck in that situation where whether it’s a job or whatever it is.

Sloane  26:38

That’s really natural. You know, one of the things I like to remind myself is, the way you feel along the journey is the way you feel when you reach the destination. And one of the greatest lies that we can tell ourselves that most of us are telling ourselves is I’m going to sacrifice now, to feel some certain way in the future, I’m going to have more freedom, I’m going to feel free, I’m going to feel happy, I’ll be joyful. And it’s such a lie, because the way you feel along the journey is the way you feel when you reach the destination. Which is why as a corporate lawyer, I used to work with a lot of people who sold their company. So I was doing m&a deals, people have finally built up this company, they sacrificed their whole life to now sell for $100 million and insistently. People have a midlife crisis, they go into a depression, they have some kind of breakdown. Because guess what, they’re the same person who didn’t have the 100 million dollars a day before, now they have all this money, nothing has changed their life is still exactly what it was. And most importantly for what you’re saying. They still feel the same way. And if they weren’t feeling good, now they don’t have a busy life to be covering it up. So I think there’s two things in here. One is, how are you feeling right now. And really be honest with yourself, you know, if you are not happy in your life, and you’re thinking that something’s going to happen in the future, and you are going to be probably it would be really powerful for you to start to look at the truth of your life now and see what needs to shift inside of you or in your choices to have a different experience. And then then I think to answer your question directly. What if I come to this point of the end, and I’m like, Oh, my gosh, I can’t stop or I can’t relax or feel pleasure, which is really natural. The body gets into a certain way of being your neural pathways get set and fixed. Yours probably were in the go and working hard dress. Yes. Sometimes people need an extreme something to go and now go to spend two months traveling around India and going to do yoga every day or I don’t know, how did you end up coming out of that Marisa after the five years?

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  29:02

Well, I in that moment, when I submitted my PhD I thought I was going to have a ha I would hear bells and whistles and I would be feeling joyous and relief and I didn’t feel any of that. I could feel the cortisol running through my body. The adrenaline was running through my body. And I thought I was going mad. And I went to a months later, I went to a let’s call it a three day workshop. And it was called Millionaire’s mindset. And I thought I was going there to learn about how to make money in property. And I thought that we would be educated on all these deals and wheeling and dealing and money making but it was all about mindset. And that’s When I was introduced to this whole idea of things like meditation, journaling, and I started to listen to podcasts, amazing thought leaders out there, coaches, and that’s how I started doing the work on myself. And I started by developing a morning routine that helped me set the pattern for the rest of the day. So trying to calm everything down, be intentional, be present, have great energy, positive mindset, and step into the day. That way,

Sloane  30:50

they really change started changing who you are being at the core.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  30:53

Yes, yes. And it has totally changed me. And then I did some coaching. I’ve had some wonderful coaching as well, mentors who have helped me, and it’s all been around, mindset shift. It’s all around that. And I’ve had to learn. The greatest thing for me was, I never felt that enough was enough. And now I’m getting to a stage where I go, that’s enough of that. I actually don’t that I don’t want that in my life anymore. I don’t need that in my life anymore. And I’ve always been in a place of giving the nurturer, the carer, the person everyone runs to for everything. And now I’m going I have boundaries. And I’m ready to receive, I’m ready to be the person who receives I’m stepping into my feminine, where I felt that I’ve really been living life from the masculine, which is something we’re going to talk about, as well. Beautiful. Love that. Yeah. So from that moment, over a number of years, there’s been a lot of aha moments and every day, having an openness of mind, for what the world is going to deliver. And being aware of the signs, whether it’s a physical one use within yourself. And extrinsic one, when the world gives you a kick up the butt about something, but it’s there to teach you something and not looking at it as a challenge, but looking at it as an opportunity to learn something from it. So it’s been a lot of aha moments that have brought me to the place where I’m at now. And also this podcast. And I feel like I’m in a place of privilege, because I get to speak to people like you, and I learn from people like you, and every one of my guests, I’m learning something. So I feel like I’m so lucky in that aspect.

Sloane  33:05

Thank you, I feel the same truly, it’s such a gift to be able to have a conversation like this and share it with others and to look at, you know, what does it really take to shift especially from the kind of place where you’re talking about which I think a lot of people are at, a lot of people have been going along the treadmill on the track they thought they were supposed to go on. And then one day something happens, where it’s like, Wait, is this all there is for my life? No, this can’t be?

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  33:35

Yes. I’d like to ask you about manifestation. Because a lot of people may think that’s a big woowoo thing. But there’s actually a lot of science around manifestation. And people say, ah, you know, what, are you a kid, you’ve got a vision board, you got pretty pictures up there with some dates on there. What’s all that about? You think by sticking some pictures on a vision board, you’re going to get what you want out. So how do we properly manifest?

Sloane  34:10

I want to answer that in two different ways. So first, I would like to share something of the science because there are some really exciting research happening that yes, can be related. And I think for logical kind of people to really understand how manifestation can work. So there’s a scientist at Stanford University named Dr. William tiller. And he did a study with this substance that’s called electrical plasma. So electrical plasma is the fourth known substance that we’ve always thought of as gases, liquids and solids. There’s actually electrical plasma is what makes up like 99% of the universe because it fills in all the space in between all the molecules in the liquids, gases and solids, okay, so he did these studies with electrical plasma Stanford University scientist, and confirmed that this energy can be directed by the human mind. So that is like saying, We humans, using our consciousness can actually direct this substance that makes up 99% of the physical world of the universe. Wow, there have been studies with plants. This is an older studies, and this is a lot more well known, I think, but where when people focus their loving attention on plants,

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  35:43

they grow faster. Yes, I’ve heard this. So

Sloane  35:47

we can find studies and research and science and everything to be proving this idea of we are infinitely more powerful than we know. And we’re really just beginning to understand quite like a fraction of how powerful we are as humans. So if you are willing to open your mind, on this topic of manifestation and think, I think there’s something to it. And I think we all actually have had experiences with the power of our minds that’s not in like the day to day kind of what’s normal. You think of someone they call that kind of thing? Oh, yes. Right. Yes. If you’re willing to suspend disbelief, the invitation is, why not give it a try? Because it only works. If you’re willing to go all in, if you want to doubt and, you know, be like, I guess I’ll try that. But it’s the probably won’t work, that kind of energy manifestation and the way we understand it is not going to happen. Because it actually requires you to go all in with your belief that you can influence reality. Now, another very important thing I just want to bring up is, I think manifestation have gotten a bad rap, because a lot of people have framed it in terms of getting things. And I’m not saying that you can’t use manifestation to get things, it’s just that that’s actually a lower vibration, use of our power. So let me start by saying, this manifestation isn’t like I want a billion dollars. So I’m going to think about having a billion dollars and it’s going to appear in front of me. For me, manifestation has to begin with your own inner guidance, your alignment. For me, Sloan, it’s not in alignment to be a billionaire, I don’t have that calling in my heart. So if I’m sitting around, like dreaming about being a billionaire, it’s a that’s a dead end. Yes, I’ve got to find what is my soul looking for. And then this is what I work on manifesting. So the way I think about it is the energy of a queen. So I want you to imagine a queen. She doesn’t say, I want to build a moat around our town, and then go back to into her room and like, oh, my gosh, is that going to happen? What am I going to do until the moats here? I don’t know. She’s not living like that. The Queen says, everybody, I want a moat to be built. And she has faith she trusts that’s going to happen now. She’s going to be conscious going forward. Maybe she needs to talk to some people about the structure or how much money we can spend or, you know, decisions come up and actions need to be taken and confident bide. It’s happening. Yes. So she’s taking the steps while knowing it’s this or something better. Maybe someone in the kingdom comes in. They’re like, Your Highness. I know you want a mote, but we actually think it’s better to set up those kinds of spikes that if people were to run in and they they could get stopped there, whatever some other structure. She might be like, okay, you know, I hadn’t thought of that. Yeah, let’s actually do that. And in this case, this or something better. She had an idea, something better was presented to her life presented her another opportunity and she went there, knowing life delivers to me, what’s on my heart or something better. And when we live from that place in our lives, that’s where manifestation becomes really beautiful. With, we always have to have the context of feeling good inside. Because manifesting is really big on how you feel, not on what you think.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  39:39

That’s where people go wrong. They don’t attach the emotion. That’s one of the things and the other thing is that people don’t understand that with manifestation. You have to have be thinking about the process and the steps because some people think They put together their vision board, and they look at it every day. And then they sit at home on the couch. And I know, I know people that do that. I have people in my life that they go, oh, yeah, I’m manifesting. But you need to put food on the table, you have to work or do something. In the meantime, I’m just waiting for my dream job. Life doesn’t happen like that. I feel every day. I used to say to my daughter when she was wanting a particular job. I used to say to her, just do something every day. Just be doing something towards it every day, even if it’s the littlest thing, just do something every day.

Sloane  40:55

That’s such good advice. Because in order to do that, you have to be doing something that I think is so important, which is right now in this moment, being the person who already has the result. And that I think is what trips people up a lot of times is they can’t even imagine actually being that person. And they’re not going to get there because they’re not doing the thing every day and taking the action towards it as if it’s happening. Yeah, of course, required. Yeah. So I love that data that’s easy and actionable. And for everybody.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  41:29

Yes. Just one little thing. It doesn’t have to be moving Mount Everest. It can say, a phone call, or an email, or a follow up. Just do something.

Sloane  41:46

Just one thing. Isn’t there are a quote, Marisa that I think it’s Tony Robbins, who says, We humans significantly overestimate what we can do in a year and underestimate what we can do in 10. And if you think of power of one thing a day towards your dream, where you’d be in 10 years is almost unimaginable, currently. Yeah. So a long way beyond I’m sure where you initially envisioned?

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  42:13

Yes, yes, absolutely. And I’m feeling that even on my journey at the moment, putting together this business, that I have never ever done anything like this before. And just setting up automation, setting up email, kind of like sequences, and it’s just, it’s a lot, but I know once everything’s in place, my life is going to be a dream because everything’s automated and systemized, but it’s just doing it and I’m thinking, six months ago, I didn’t have anything. I’ve almost got a whole Kajabi system happening here. Okay, wow. I didn’t even know what Kajabi what was one thing a day, one thing a day, yeah. Now you have these beautiful retreats that you hold, tell us about those retreats?

Sloane  43:06

Well, I’ve hosted a variety of retreats, and they’re all focused on some kind of transformation. So the retreat that I hold regularly is called beyond the edge. It’s a woman’s retreat where the women come. And the context is come into this experience, and have what I call an awakening moment. This is usually one of those moments where someone dies unexpectedly, or you lose a job or something extreme or tragic happens. And suddenly, your life comes into this focus, you know what’s important, you know, what’s not, you know, your next steps. It’s like, everything falls away, but the truth. And we’ve designed a retreat for women to have that experience without having drama, tragedy or loss. It’s actually a very loving, beautiful, I call it peak performance, peak experience. So you come, I don’t share what we do during this experience is actually different each time depending on who’s there. And you don’t share what you do for business or your last name. And you don’t have your phone or computer with you the whole time. So you’re what I call my playground, my world for a really juicy, beautiful experience.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  44:27

How long do they go for?

Sloane  44:29

It’s Thursday through a Sunday. Okay, and what’s the biggest struggle that

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  44:33

you find women go through in their day to day lives? What do they struggle with most?

Sloane  44:40

I think we’ve talked about a lot of them. I mean, really commonly is this feeling of, I’m doing all the things I’m doing all the right things. Everybody on the outside thinks that I have it all together or things are really great, but inside behind the scenes, I know that so much more as possible. I don’t actually feel good or I’m I’m burned out, I’m stressed out, I don’t seem to think about anything, but just right now trying to keep it all together and make ends meet. I don’t know how to shift this, but I know there’s more. And whatever level of that, that women feel, I think that’s a really common experience. And actually, for men, too, because a lot of us have been raised and, and taught that there’s a path that we should follow. And a lot like my experience, although, you know, 1000s, and millions of different stories for everyone’s unique life experience, we go on a path only to realize, I don’t think this is my path. And I feel like there’s something more well, that’s something more is getting into alignment with yourself.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  45:45

Hmm. Yeah, living in congruence,

Sloane  45:49

yes, for you, and just you. And sometimes that’s one of the hardest things to step into. And when you do, life flows, in the easiest ways, it is so beautiful. And it doesn’t mean there aren’t challenges, because this is life, it just means the challenges really don’t have to be that hard. Because you’re in alignment with yourself, you’re on your path for you, that is right for you.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  46:14

Yes. And what about for those women who are in relationships, and they start to change their path, their trajectory in life, because they’ve had this realization that this is not the person that I’m truly meant to be? I’m not in the job I meant to be in, I’m not happy in this area of life. What is that, like, in the context of a relationship, and for the partner of that woman?

Sloane  46:47

It’s really courageous, you know, it is to to be choosing to change in the context of relationship. Because of course, if you’re part of a relationship, and you change, the relationship changes, and there are a lot of women who choose not to change, because that seems so scary. And then there are other women like you, Marisa, who choose, you know what, I’m going to go for it. And I’m going to have faith that this is right for me. And there’s a possibility that my partner is going to choose to grow or to shift and to walk on this journey with me. And I’ll just say that currently in our just like current paradigm, this is very common, that it’s the women who are leading in the area of growth and personal growth, not always. But when I go to events, they’re usually 50 to 90% Women who are there, just right now, I really believe the men are coming along. in big groups, this is shifting, but it really is courageous to make changes in your life while you’re in relationship.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  47:57

Yes, I think the problem with us as women is that we feel that to step into our own, we have to feel empowered. But the way we empower ourselves is not necessarily the right way of doing that, we feel that we have to step into a masculine role, and become the masculine, more of the masculine and the feminine, to feel empowered. And a lot of people don’t understand what that means from an energy perspective. Because I learned the other day about we have the feminine, the masculine, and then the inner child. And we need to find balance between all of those three, and the feminine means tuning into what you need, using your intuition, tapping into your creativity, and into your nurturing self. So that doesn’t sound very empowering from what we believe power. And that’s another word that’s misused to be what’s your thoughts on that?

Sloane  49:13

Yeah, we’ve just been taught in such an inside out way. And I want to be really clear about what I’m about to say, Yes, I don’t feel angry about it. I don’t feel like it’s someone doing this to us. I think there are millions of circumstances that have brought us to this moment in time, where women not only are we really not taught about who we actually are, in a lot of ways we’re taught that the ways we naturally have our week, are a liability are crazy or out of control. And so most of us really aren’t in touch with the super powers that we have. So some of those that you just listed that the one I want to just touch on is our intuition. Our bodies physiologically during certain times of our monthly cycle, so our whole physical body, not just our reproductive system runs on a about 28 day cycle depending on the woman. And there’s a certain segment of that cycle where our physiology is set up for us to have that this highest level of access to our intuition. Now men don’t have the same setup, I men have intuition, but not in the same experience that we have. When we start to learn this about our body, our physical body is set up this way. And we start to realize I have access to my intuition at certain times of every month, in a way that the other times I don’t have access to in a way that the male gendered body, people don’t have. Wait a minute, there’s something in there that if I learned to listen, to access, and to harness this power, I actually have so much more power. And in fact, in all my work with hundreds of entrepreneurs around the world, I’ve come to realize, my view is that the greatest business strategy that exists is following your own inner guidance, and so on 100, when we learn to hear it, 100%? Yes, when we learn to hear it and follow it, there’s a superpower. So this is a long way of answering your question, but I’m very fired up about it

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  51:30

loving, I’m sitting back enjoying every every, yes.

Sloane  51:39

There’s a long way of saying that, the way we are as women is actually quite spectacular and powerful. And it’s a very different kind of power than men, or than the power we’re even used to wielding. But it doesn’t make it any less strong. It’s just different.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  52:00

What happens to a woman who’s in a male dominant field, like I was a professional singer, and I worked with men, mostly, like very rarely worked with women. And I was working with male musicians, who were I was treated quite poorly as victim of misogyny, and sexual abuse. And I was living that part of my life in survival mode. Do you feel that? When we’re in that situation, it is almost impossible to tap into that superpower? How do we reconnect with our superpower? When we’re just in survival mode? I mean, what I explained was probably a little extreme. But there’s a lot of women day to day in their careers, or in their domestic lives who were mainly living in that survival mode. How do they tap into their superpower? What’s one simple thing that you can tell them that they can do that will help them step into that?

Sloane  53:14

I’d like to envision what you’re sharing as women walking around with a big shield a big armor on. And in a way, it’s like, we armor up to go out into this man’s world. And I certainly did that as a corporate lawyer, and you were doing that. And this, this industry was singing. And lots of women are doing it in the in corporate and all over and like you said, you could be a stay at home mom and still be wearing this armor if you feel like you have to take care of things yourself to be safe or to be taken care of. So first, it’s recognizing that you have that. And then it’s beginning with you to find ways to soften. So if you feel like you need to have the armor at first and while you’re learning and growing in this feminine power, that’s okay. One strategy that I would recommend is what I call a quantum slowdown. So this is quantum means tiny and that’s taking little tiny slowdowns for yourself throughout the day. It could be honestly as simple as you’re going to the bathroom and instead of just like thinking about this or checking your phone or whatever, lots of people check their phone in the bathroom.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  54:35

Okay

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  54:36

hands up listeners who does that

Sloane  54:40

may or may not be on this call right now. Okay, put the phone down and do you could do body touching, close your eyes and just feel how it feels on your hand and also your skin to touch yourself. It’s being present with yourself in this moment, and reconnecting with you getting centered for just as long as it takes to go to the bathroom. You could also do a two minute meditation on your bed, if you work from home, put everything aside and just breathe for two minutes and set the timer on your phone. It’s throughout your day, having these little moments with you, where you can slow down where you can soften your body. And ideally, where you can appreciate yourself feeling good in those few moments with you, allows you even if you go and put the armor back on to start practicing building this muscle of softening, and there’s so much behind that. But with this feminine power is, is actually having access to your feelings is actually connecting with your intuition, your inner guidance and being in touch with the cycles of your body. And there’s so much more with it. But we can pause again.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  55:57

And the irony in all of that is most people would perceive a lot of that to be tapping into your weaknesses and not your strengths. Because you’re saying to soften to to build that muscle of softening, whereas we build muscle muscle to harden. It’s like that hard knot. But you’re saying no soften up?

Sloane  56:18

Yes, I’m saying and maybe it’s for soften What I mean is centering or relaxing with yourself. And I think of that as the softening a soft landing, you know, when when my armor has come off in my own life. And I’m free to be playful, joyful, to be feeling good. And and after a lot of healing and, and growth and experiences. Realizing that it’s okay for me to be soft out in the world. And there are times where you know, maybe I get a little more firm and I’m I’m not always just like, oh, everything’s so happy and jolly and playful. But I still it’s safe to be soft, and it’s safe to be me and I don’t need to wear the armor anymore. And that really is for us as women, I think a next big evolution that we’re ready for. Because when we allow ourselves to feel that’s where life really starts to get juicy.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  57:19

Okay, that that. All right, that’s the next step then feeling feeling feeling?

Sloane  57:28

Yes. Maybe we could have a whole conversation about that, because that is a really important aspect of of living in pleasure.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  57:35

Okay, do you want to elaborate on that now?

Sloane  57:38

Sure. I mean, fundamentally, it’s really pretty simple. We women, we have for the most part, and I’m generalizing, but for the most part, we have a wider range of feelings than men. Now, in our Ah, yes, yes, in our current world, most of us have been taught, we haven’t been taught how to have healthy expressions of our feelings. So we’ve been taught, we’re crazy. If you show feelings, it’s bitchy, you could be out of control, we’re kind of taught you need to keep it within this more male level, or else it’s just wacky, and people don’t know what to do with you. But the tragedy of that is, if you cut yourself off from, let’s say, the heights of your anger, you’re also cutting yourself off from the heights of your joy. So we as women are meant to be feeling this rich pleasure and joy. And in our bodies, this fullness of life, that in truth, men get a lot of benefit from experiencing because they can’t necessarily experience that themselves, necessarily, but they can experiencing it, experience it with them through us. And so that’s for men. For us personally, our feeling is related to living, it’s actually being five if you think about any goal that you have anything that you want in the future. It’s always related to I want to feel a certain way underneath 100 I want to have that relationship because I want to feel loved and connected. I want to have that money because I want to feel safe. I want to feel free. You know, whatever people’s things are, I want to feel a certain way. We have capacity to live that right now. We don’t have to wait for the future thing. But we have to allow ourselves to feel pain, to feel anger, to feel sadness in order to feel free and joyful and connected.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  59:38

It’s really interesting what you’re saying because you’re talking about anger is one of the emotions and one of the feelings that you just spoke about. And I grew up in a culture, the Italian culture, where as women we had to suppress feelings. We couldn’t show anger. We couldn’t be vulnerable. We were silenced. And I’ve only started to tap into that angry, angry side of my personality in the last few years and my husband gets scared because he’s not used. And I don’t swear. But when I do drop the F bomb, everyone heads for the hills, because it’s not something but it’s just learning to really let go. And just verbalize how I feel that has been one of my biggest lessons over the past few years, is learning and allowing me to feel and to express how I’m feeling.

Sloane  1:00:41

And what did for you, with you allowing yourself to express when you’re, you’re extremely angry? How’s it how’s life different? Or how are you different?

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:00:50

I don’t hang on to things. That is the biggest shift once upon a time because they didn’t say how I was feeling. I would hold on to that resentment for years, and I bring something up that happened 10 years ago, and my husband had say, What, and now I say how I feel. And I actually forget about the situation. And then he’ll say, oh, you know, last week when this happened. So I don’t remember. Because it’s gone, it’s done. It’s dusted. And that is so liberating. You don’t feel like you’re being held back by the shackles, because they can like, you can hold on to those feelings of resentment, like a prized possession. But now the it’s like, no, we don’t want that in the house. We don’t want that energy, we don’t want to feel that anymore. Deal with it, move on and forget about it and bury it. And that’s what I love.

Sloane  1:01:55

I love that. Another really special thing that it sounds like is happening, kind of automatically or underneath the surface, is when you’re able to just express the truth of your feelings. And your husband receives it, you know, on whatever level he does, there’s actually also the potential for a deepening of intimacy of connection that isn’t there, when you’re off by yourself, either handling it or, you know, holding on to resentment or whatever things that we typically have been taught to do. We block intimacy, in our relationships from us.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:02:30

And for me, it is intimacy starts at that level. I used to say, foreplay starts in the morning. Yes. Sorry, people if that was too much information. It’s so true. Anyway, tell us you were going to start winding up you have two retreats coming up or two events.

Sloane  1:02:59

Yes, I have multiple events. I have a workshop coming up on September 12 That I’m so excited about this is bridging science and spirituality for a peak performance path for women. And it’s called a new approach to unlocking your deepest desires and attracting what you want. So that’s happening on September 12. It’s a 90 minute workshop. online. Online. Yes, yes. The cific in the US time, so I am Pacific 8am Pacific. It’ll be late in Australia. But we do have a recording and if you can, it’s going to be juicy live. I’m going to do live coaching so you can apply once you sign up, you can apply for a loveseat coaching session with me live on the workshop and it’s going to be really special. For sure.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:03:49

That sounds like something I would love to do. Yes, join us.

Sloane  1:03:53

I would love to have you. Yes,

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:03:55

I want the loveseat yes you know whenever I go to to a workshop or to a class, I’m always I always put myself center front.

Sloane  1:04:10

Me 200 bursa and whilst be there, yeah,

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:04:13

like I totally immerse myself in every aspect of that experience. And then what’s the one you have after that shortly after that one,

Sloane  1:04:23

shortly after starts on September 18 is a course I created called Falling in love with yourself. So it is a soulful, playful, juicy 30 minutes a day for 10 days, different exercises connecting with other women. It’s a whole experience on really deepening the one relationship that you’ll have your entire life which is the relationship with you and also making it fun and interesting and does a really a new experience for most people on what it looks like to create a relationship between you And knew the giver and the receiver.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:05:02

I love all of that. And I love when you say, juicy, I mean, doesn’t want a bit of juicy in their lives we

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:05:11

can all do with that. So, in wrapping up, we we will share the links to these workshops and to you if people want to reach out to you personally or through your website, check out what’s coming up.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:05:26

Because the work you’re doing is so cool. I just I just love it.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:05:30

I was really excited to interview you. So thank you to your publicist

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:05:35

for introducing us because I went yay, goes Sloane. Yes, she’s my girl here.

Sloane  1:05:42

Thank you. It was such a pleasure her. So thank you for having me.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:05:46

And okay, in wrapping up. What is a piece of advice you would like to give to the women who are listening, but also want to the men who are listening? Because we do have men?

Sloane  1:06:03

Yes. Okay, the women via advices the way through the way out is through. And what I mean by it, the way out is through, I think it’s human nature, when we have something in our lives that we don’t enjoy, or we want to shift or we want it to be different that we try to go out into the world and make it different or change things. And the truest way out of whatever your situation is, is to actually go deeper into what it is. So if that’s uncomfortable feelings or feeling angry, or this isn’t right, but I don’t know how to make this change, or whatever the thing is that you want to get away from, to instead of trying to do that, to go into it and look more deeply. Because there’s always some lesson, there’s something that that experience is trying to show you. That’s actually the fast track out into something different.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:07:00

Love that. Okay, good

Sloane  1:07:02

for men. Here, I think is probably what I would love to share. I love men so much, I have so much appreciation for men. And the more I learned about women, and the more I learned about men and how unique we actually are, the more I appreciate on such deep levels, who you men actually are truly. And I would say, if you have any experience with a woman in your life, where you feel like you just don’t understand that it feels like she goes out of control, or there’s some scenario that you don’t enjoy, or you don’t understand with this woman, that if you want to understand her more, the fastest easiest way to do that is to go understand yourself on a deeper level, go understand how it is that you function as a man that’s so special and spectacular. And how different and that is and unique it is compared to a woman because the more you know you and who you really are, the more you’re going to understand where she’s coming from and what’s really going on. Which There’s more than meets the eye. For sure.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:08:13

Well, ways. And the reaction, as you said is more than meets the eye. Yes,

Sloane  1:08:19

yes. So yeah, I’m in love with men. I’m in love with women. I’m just having a love fest with us humans because we’re so special and so unique. And the more I understand about human beings and myself, the more I feel like wow, you people and numerous Are you listening? You are doing such a great job with what you’re doing in your the way your list living. Thank you. Yes. And I just want to acknowledge that and

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:08:47

you really kind Thank you know, it’s been such a pleasure meeting you. And we’ve had a very juicy time. Go the juicy we all want a juicy life. Yeah, yeah. No, thank you so much. And hopefully we can connect in person.

Sloane  1:09:11

That was not 100% You’re in

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:09:15

Austin, Texas. Yes. Okay. All right. So I have been to Texas, not to Austin. I’ve been to Dallas, Texas. And there’s someone else that I know in Dallas who is a very special human, a powerhouse woman too. So I think I may need to go and visit Dallas in the next

Sloane  1:09:36

six months and visit I’ll be there to see you. Yes,

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:09:40

look, thank you for your time we’ve gone well and truly over time here but there was so much to cover. And I really appreciate you and and well done for your work and well done for those massive leaps of faith that you’ve taken in your life and you you are an inspiration for so many of us, and we appreciate you, I wish you all the very best in the future and look forward to connecting Sloane.

Sloane  1:10:09

Thank you, Marisa. Thank you, everybody.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:10:12

Take it easy. Okay, bye.

Dr Marisa Lee Naismith  1:10:17

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of a voice and beyond. I hope you enjoyed it as now is an important time for you to invest in your own self care, personal growth, and education. Use every day as an opportunity to learn and to grow, so you can show up feeling empowered and ready to live your best life. If you know someone who will also be inspired by this episode, please be sure to copy and paste the link and share it with them. Or share it on social media and use the hashtag a voice and beyond. I promise you I am committed to bringing you more inspiration and conversations just like this one every week. And if you’d like to help me, please rate and review this podcast and cheer me on by clicking the subscribe button on Apple podcast right now. I would also love to know what it is that you most enjoyed about this episode and what was your biggest takeaway? Please take care and I look forward to your company next time on the next episode of a voice and beyond.